Christmas came and went. The holidays are gone. Back to reality, and here’s my annual thoughts on all that...

On Christmas eve, while every other adult had sensibly gone off to sleep, my brother-in-law Nick and I toughed out the night performing some of our usual celebratory rituals, i.e. drinking too much, smoking too many...err...cigarettes, resolving some of the world’s serious ills and satisfying those munchies.

At one late point, as we debated Quebec labour unions between gulps, puffs, and mouthfuls of words mixed with left-over meatballs and handfuls of cashews, Nick suddenly exclaimed, “Oh no! I forgot to leave cookies and milk by the fireplace.”

It did take far longer than it should have for us to convert glowing blue numbers on an oven to time, and longer still to deduce that we’d best hurry since my two nephews, ages 6 and 2, could be up at any moment.

Nick hesitated, tired and hazy, his face contorted in an expression of defeat and abandon. So, rising to my role of loveable uncle, I clapped my hands and jumped to the task. Nick leaned against the kitchen counter and watched as I side-stepped by him, broke a piece of crust off of a pie and proceeded to crumble flaky bits in a small plate.
“You think that’s gonna fool them?” he asked.
“Looks like crumbs to me,” I replied.
“Hmmmmm. They’ll know it’s not cookies.”
Nick rummaged through our parents' pantry for cookies while I got a glass which I then filled with a spurt of milk.
Again Nick watched and asked,” You think that’s gonna fool them?”
“Well, I’m not gonna fill it. Santa drank it, right? It’s just for show.”
“No,” Nick wagged a finger in the air, “Kids, man... I tell you. Fill it up and I’ll drink it. Otherwise they won’t see that milky line and they’ll know the glass wasn’t filled.”
“Oh... right,” I said, “Not a very good liar, am I?”

That’s when it hit me, the type of paralysing doubt I’m often ridiculed for being plagued with at such moments... Was I actually doing a good thing by partaking in and encouraging a scheme to dupe my nephews into believing the existence of some jolly ol’ mythical figure fashioned and exploited to promote a kind of empty consumerism that goes against my every moral fibre and annually places such a devastatingly big financial burden on parents?

Jolly Old Saint Nick + slaving elves = peace and love = the birth of Christ = a mega f*cken stretch any way you look at it today! Screams of capital C Capitalism.

Schools wouldn’t dare teach crap about aliens and Martians; we convince our kids that ghosts and goblins don’t exist; the grimly realistic cautionary tales of yesteryear have all been Walt Disney-ized, and every single parent I know is quick to point out that unicorns, mermaids, dragons and vampires are all straight out of fiction, and that Barney is some guy in a suit and not a real dinosaur. Yet everyone, educators to the educated et al., are all willing to play along when it comes to Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny (and yes, the whole “Easter Bunny = Christ’s resurrection” equation is one that completely numbs my brain...). Why is that? Equally disturbing is the fact that even atheists are willing to sell the existence of a never-seen, all-knowing and judgemental Santa Claus and Easter Bunny to kids. How Judeo-Christian is that?!? It's no wonder people have a hard time with the concept of the Holy Trinity, in their early years we’re teaching them that it’s actually a Holy Quintet!
I in turn leaned against the counter and let Nick take over operations as I reflected on the matter... which inevitably became our topic of debate once Nick returned to the kitchen, the plate and glass carefully staged by the modern, ultra-efficient fireplace. That the belief in the myth requires authentic cookie crumbs and meticulous planning to ensure that kids buy into the loony idea that some obese box-carrying man came down and out and back up of what even the blindest of bats could see was an impossibility from three properties away is destabilising.

“Are parents really doing a good thing by selling their kids the preposterous Santa clause?” I asked, offering a sly grin, proud that I could still muster some wit in my state. “Or are they just playing into the hands of big-money by perpetuating the cycle which seeks to indoctrinate consumer habits at the youngest age possible?” I hiccupped.
Nick stared back, mouth agape, “Uh?”
“And what if the belief in Santa Claus and the magic of Christmas is a required part of a normal, healty occidental childhood?” I continued. “What if having a Santa-filled childhood is necessary to create the proper memories and nostalgia needed to become a well-balanced individual in our society?”
After all, nearly all adults—even the childless—agree; Christmas is for children.

We drank and ate and talked some more.

Nick, father of two, was happy with leaving things at, “I do it for my kids; it makes them happy.” He bid me goodnight and crawled off to bed, grumbling that he’d have to be up in 45 minutes to an hour.

Me, still childless and wildly idealistic, I couldn’t be satisfied with that. Left with my thoughts and two-thirds of a beer, I pondered a world without Santa Claus; not a world without Christmas mind you, but a world where parents weren’t coerced en masse into lying to their kids about a pseudo god of consumerism. A world where our economy didn’t entirely depend on 4th quarter sales and a mascot for peace and love that had very little to do with actual peace and love.
I headed to bed profoundly disappointed by the thought that such a world would never be allowed. Santa Claus is now a firm part of the world we all played a part in creating, like death and taxes and disposable whatsits.

And if you thought silly couldn’t get sillier, voila, more silliness in the world. Here’s the story:

As you all know, the Copenhagen Climate Conference is currently underway (Dec. 6 - 18). This is the last time parties of the UNFCCC (United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change) will meet at the government level to discuss proposed changes for the new agreement that will replace the Kyoto Protocol once it runs out in 2012.

Here’s the bug:
“Ecocity World Summit 2009, the 8th International Ecocity Conference: Urban Ecological Foundations for Climate Solutions” is running from December 13 to the 15 in Istanbul, Turkey.

Here’s the blurb:
“The International Ecocity Conference Series brings together the key innovators, decision makers, technologists, businesses and organizations shaping the conversation around ecological and sustainable city, planning and development.”

Here's my say:
Why the f*ck isn’t this happening in Copenhagen or Copenhagen in Istanbul?!? Couldn’t they combine the two? Shouldn’t they combine the two?!?! Or shouldn’t this have occurred before the Copenhagen Conference at the very least? So government officials are in Copenhagen making the big decisions that impact our planet, good or bad, while the people qualified and passionate about those decisions—the people who supposedly really care—are 2024 Kilometres (1258 miles) away???

Economics is one of those things I really have a hard time wrapping my brain around. I have a much easier time understanding complex neurolinguistics theory or mind-numbing philosophical treatise than I do finance and the money market. But I don't feel bad about that, 'cause when I really listen to economists and analysts and I look at events and markets around the world, it's clear to me that no one else, not even those who make it their field of study, seem to really know what's going on. Case in point, here was an expert opinion on our bank's expected 2009 fiscal-year-end (which ended Oct. 31): "It is less clear if the overall profit will outshine that of the fourth quarter of 2008. Some say earnings will be a bit better than a year ago; others think they may be a bit worse" (Canadian banks to cap 2009 with decent quarter, The Globe and Mail).

So the numbers are coming in, and what are we to make about everything being "down", that we're in the middle of a recession complete with cut-backs, lay-offs, and fee hikes, while Canadian banks are closing their fiscal year with "better than expected" lofty profits?

Our banks are receiving international praise for what turned out to be prudent management that helped them to weather the recent global financial crisis better than all their international peers, especially those south of the border, which makes a strong argument for better banking regulations in the United States, but I digress...

So times are tough and money is hard to come by... which basically translates to household incomes being hit hard. Funny that our banks are quick to point out that their retail and branch operations—those operations that handle our household incomes—is what lost them loads of money, and that it was in fact their financial markets sectors which allowed them such gains... It’s as if banks want Canadians to feel guilty so that their profits aren’t questioned. And nonetheless:

- CIBC's net profit for the fourth-quarter rose to $644 million from $436 million a year earlier. A difference of $208 million.

- TD said its investment banking division had a record quarter earning $372 million compared with a loss of $228 million in 2008.

- National Bank, the sixth-biggest lender, said fourth-quarter profit came in at $241 million, from $70 million last year.

- BMO, RBC, and Bank of Nova Scotia haven't yet released their numbers (today for RBC; next week for Scotiabank) but they are expected to show strong profits that far exceed Street estimates.

And yet our Canadian debt is expected to jump to $630B by 2014 and the average household debt level keeps rising and rising... Poverty levels increase each year as does famine and homelessness... as does the number of homes repossessed by banks.

How much is enough for banks? How can they possibly justify those kinds of profits and then rag about bad loans??? And when our economy is going well and they’re making money on all fronts? What kind of profits then? And how much did they already stow away in over-seas and tax-free foreign accounts?

And still, our fees keep increasing and our returns dwindling. Seems like the wisest thing to do with one’s money is to put it in bank shares, not bank accounts, providing that one has any money left to invest...